When the Weller family started seeing Nicola, our Parent Support Lead, the only thing they could agree on about parenting was that it was hard and it wasn’t going well for them. They weren’t the parents they expected or wanted to be. Nicola’s support thankfully united them in their approach to parenting. This was was the gamechanger for the family as it allowed them to present a united front to the children.
A week before the first meeting, their twelve year old daughter left bruises on her mother’s arms after attacking her in a rage. This was such a common occurrence that the mother believed this behaviour would continue and was petrified that her daughter would end up criminalised as she got older. The parents had called the Police to speak to try and address her behaviour twice already. Thanks to the support and advice from Fegans, the mother tells that she now cannot remember the lasttime her daughter hit her. Things aren’t perfect as she took her anger out on a poor cactus on one occasion, however the breakthrough was when she was asked to repot it the next day… and she did! In the past, her mother wouldn’t have dared ask in fear of triggering her irrational anger and getting hurt as a result.
The family strongly believes that the advice about rules and boundaries has made a huge difference. Nicola understood that the clever children would take advantage of any loopholes and explained how to involve the girls in planning the rules. Now the girls are more accepting of consequences and when frustrated or exhausted, the parents no longer feel the need to overreact and ‘cancel Christmas’ to feel in control.
Nicola and her Parenting Support colleagues pride themselves on being non-judgemental and kind. The support and advice they offer is empowering and usually a breath of fresh air for desperate families.
The Wellers commented “We never felt preached to and if we didn’t think something would work for our family, Nicola explored that with us and suggested an alternative. The support was personalised in a way that couldn’t be replicated in a group parenting course, and we felt confident to share information about our family that we had only ever discussed between ourselves for fear of judgement.
Nicola gave us a toolbox not a rulebook. We will dip back in if we need to and we know we can always get back in touch for some advice. The advice isn’t rocket science; it’s always sensible and practical and rooted in child development and behaviour theory.
Because of Covid, money is so much tighter. We looked at other ways to get help, including social care, but Fegans was definitely the best solution. We are so grateful to Fegans for allowing us to feel empowered and back in control.”
*names have been changed